You both had a blast on your last date that lasted for hours, you both told each other all kinds of fun stories about the past and laughed your hearts out; you really hit it off with this one. So it seemed…
He walked you home at the end of the night and even strongly hinted on meeting again.
Despite saying yes, he never showed up for the second date!
Now you are overwhelmed with obsessive questions
Did I turn him off in any way?
Did I say something wrong?
Was my vibe off?
And you can’t figure out what went so wrong that he decided to stand you up.
Nothing feels worse than being stood up when you were feeling that person, it’s a letdown and the worse form of rejection you can endure especially if no explanation at all is offered. It’s cold! And maybe it had little or nothing at all to do with you, but you can’t help wondering if it was you because you don’t have the slightest clue of what went south.
You then get crippled with this sickening feeling in your stomach, and calling him is not an option you have because you are afraid that the charming, nice dude you thought you met was just that, a thought in your head.
So, why didn’t he call you back? Well, here are a few possibilities – it is likely one or the other (or a few!)
1. He is emotionally unavailable.
It would have been remotely impossible to spot it, even after a few nights out with him, because human natures seeks to make meaningful connection so we naturally ignore those early flags… plus black men are experts in concealing their inner struggles. To a total stranger they look fantastically fine outwards, until you get past the masculine aura and dig deeper. You won’t remotely know what kind of crap he has to go through alone and the magnitude of issues he is carrying. He will NEVER let you, a stranger see that.
Maybe it is a serious heartbreak that is holding him back from jumping into a relationship with you, the mere anticipation of heartbreak is driving him nuts. Maybe he was trying to give himself another chance with you, but he realized he was not ready and halted. In that case you are way better off…
2. Rejection scares him
Who want to be rejected? Nobody, rejection scares the crap out of us from either gender; “what if she/he doesn’t like me” is a question that pesters our mind before and after a date.
Being afraid of rejection is a human thing, that’s why a man may not call you back because he can’t handle the anticipation of rejection it’s unpleasant.
Maybe on the first date you unconsciously communicated that you are uninterested and I total oblivion you sent that vibe to him and he is not sure of whether calling you would be the appropriate move to make.
3. He likes to play ‘hard to get’
Black men like to be hunters. It’s naturally and traditionally expected that the man chases the woman while the woman waits in anticipation of being chased, but not always true the man wants to be chased too, so the reason for not calling you maybe because he wants you to call him.
4. You didn’t challenge him enough
Mystery heeds challenges, when you cash in all your chips on the table in one sitting, then you are no longer a mysterious lady, and that is predictable which translates to not interesting.
Men wish that you leave them a trail of breadcrumbs about yourself, it hooks them up to follow the trail and finding the hidden treasure of your inner-self, if you give up too much details about you in the first date then you take away the thrill of him learning you in the long run. And it’s only natural that he won’t be tempted enough to dig further.
5. He doesn’t want anything serious
If his Instagram and Snapchat time line are always full of new posts yet he hasn’t got the time to reply to your text, you can be sure that to him you were only a one-time thing, a casual date, he is not looking to settle down anytime soon and it isn’t your fault, but don’t sob for him he was most likely looking for a woman to loosen up a bit, someone to have a good time with and that compels him not to call back. For him, the great moment you shared was nothing but a fling. (PS… if you only want to talk to guys who are serious join Straight Black Love and upon sign-up select “find somebody to marry”! weed out the jokers 🙂
6. He is still in love with his Ex
Not all breakups have an identical outcome, not everyone can move on completely, some people are clueless on how to deal with heartbreak, and chances are that he is still clinging to that girl that broke his heart.
Maybe it was his friends that pestered him to go out and you were experimental in his attempt to move on, but in reality he has not stopped yearning for his ex that’s the reason he didn’t call, it is a bit selfish and it feels awful for a woman not knowing why he just went ghost all of a sudden but this is very, very common, unfortunately.
7. He feels he is not good enough
As men insecurity and doubt is fated to get In the way of expressing emotion, you tend to feel not worthy of someone you adore – it’s a strange feeling of her being too good to be true.
The confidence required to face her flies out of the window, and it gets worse if the woman has a strong personality, is financially independent and way out of his league, men not used to dating your type often squirm and pass due to intimidation. So if he didn’t call it could be because he was too self-conscious not to make the wrong move. In this case if he passes you don’t need that man, he lacks the heart to grow a pair and man up to the occasion (if he was capable of loving you he would at least try but he knows he falls short).