Toxic relationships adhere to the same traits as all other forms of addictions. It is not easy to spot toxic relationship flags unless you are ready to stop and admit to yourself that you are caught up in this harmful cycle. Toxic relationship addiction can be defined as the strong and uncontrollable, yet harmful urge to acquire and feel something that stimulates pleasure despite the consequence of dependence.
So why do we get caught up in the endless cycle of jumping ignorantly from one bad relationship to the other?
It may be fueled by our constant need to validate our false perception of ourselves. Or due to our lack of self-belief and lack of self-worthiness imposed on us at some point in our lives by people we loved or trusted.
Even if those perceptions of us are far from the actual truth. With that out of the way, here are the signs that you may have missed and ways to break the cycle and start the process of toxic relationship healing.
1. You have never received any emotional support from your current or any of your romantic partners.
This is a prime sign, if you can’t depend on your partner for emotional support, their unwillingness to offer emotional support is a clear sign of being a part of an unhealthy, toxic relationship. If they can’t accommodate your happiest or lowest moments and offer support when you most need it then you’re caught up in this harmful cycle of people who don’t value you at all. It’s high time you evaluated what you want in a relationship and demand it or walk out.
2. You go for partners who degrade you
Think about it… you know how much it hurts when the person you love and trust degrades you yet you still can’t explain why you find yourself chasing after these kinds of people (you keep ending up with them so you are attracting them).
The type of person who constantly makes you question your sense of self-worth, without even being aware of it, you are always treated like garbage but you are addicted to the pain of being trashed every time, this kind of pain brings you pleasure, as twisted as it sounds you probably love it and you are helplessly hooked without self-justification of the reason why you are looked and treated sub-human.
Then unknowingly you start adapting this perception that the abusive partner has of you – hoping to appease them. This only works against you. Deep down you know that you are worth much more but are too insecure to let go. Its high time you weighed your chances and took a risk and take the dose of consequences of standing up for your sake.
Fear of the unknown is what keeps us hooked to negative relationships.
At some point, we have to let go of our egos and have it hard for a while like the saying goes “fortune favours the bold” the same applies to the quality of the relationship we choose to get involved in.
3. You entertain people who ‘go missing’ on you…
To be honest, if your partner goes missing for a while without a solid reason and no contact – that screams shady as hell.
After a few excusable moments when we let it slide, what follows next is pure suspicion and mistrust.
When you find yourself in this situation in multiple relationships then know that the problem and the solution both lay with you. This is a toxic relationship flag and unfortunately, you may subconsciously be addicted to being neglected.
You are so used to this that it does not bother you enough to demand better. Rather than take in the insult of being lonely in a relationship it’s better to be alone, or figure out why you are addicted to negligent partners time and again, maybe it stems from your childhood where you had no choice and were made to believe that you were not worth attention and love from anyone; whether that be a parent or another relative.
Whatever it is you’ve got to deal with it before you jump into the next relationship.
4. You recurrently date people who always put your morals to test
This could mean a whole bunch of things…
Be honest about partners who deliberately put in illegal and unethical situations that don’t sit well with you deep down.
The main agenda is to test the extent you are willing to give up your morals for acceptance and validation; it’s degrading to the self-esteem, not to mention the health problems and legal action you can face as a consequence of your partner’s toxic influence.
So next time you are about to be pressured to participate in some shady drug binge or a sex orgy that you are not willing to be a part of, stop and think hard on where you know it ends up. We all have choices and it up to us to decide how far you’re willing to compromise your wellbeing for validation from our partners. In the end, is it worth it?
5. You have caught your partner lying about something serious more than once
Sadly, this is the reality that quite a number of people witness daily.
It looks surreal to most, but some of us experienced the agony of dating the lying joker who makes a relationship feel like an endless cycle of an emotional rollercoaster. People who emerge from this fiction-like relationship can’t help but feel ridiculous. Being stuck with such lying partners that lack any sense of trustworthiness…
Every time the talk you can’t fight the feeling to believe you are being pranked. They lie to you about everything, they go as low as lying of a relative dying of cancer just to play with your emotions and squeeze a few dollars from you. Its high time you realized to such partners you probably nothing but some endless bank of favours to them.
6. You deliberately pick partners who make you more sad than happy
This is a dangerous case of misguided affection, It’s like living in a bad taste thriller TV series where the girl falls for her kidnapper helplessly, without overstating this point being caught up in multiple relationships that make you miserable than happy, you may actually experience the Stockholm syndrome without knowing it, its majorly associated with victims who fall for their oppressors instead of the attempt to escape the oppression they fall for the oppressor as a survival mechanism, so you can see how pathetic it is really to be willingly held in a relationship that oppresses until your will to fight for your sake is lost completely, yet deep down you know you have the choice to leave no matter what your partner is holding against you have to make the decision whether you want to die on your knees or live on your toes.
7. They never compromise for you ( you do all the compromising)
You are always breaking your spine trying hard to impress your partner, compromising your moral standards even to get validation, but you get the notion by now that it always a dead end in every relationship, but you can’t help it repeating the same thing with everyone you meet, but you always get the same thing every time, nothing. The closest you get to appreciate it when your partner fakes interest only when they urgently need a quick favor or they have you as their last option to bail them out of a sticky situation. It high time you decided whether you were the lifeline in a relationship or you are an actual human who deserves all the love and appreciation.
8. You have experienced emotional or physical abuse in multiple relationships
Abuse of any form is nothing to take lightly. This is something we should never tolerate in a relationship. If you make it out of an abusive relationship something must make you feel brave, strong and confident enough to demand better treatment in the next relationship.
And by now, you should be wise enough to spot those abusive traits and toxic relationship red flags earlier on. By being honest with yourself you will know when to call it off on a potential domestic violence culprit. It’s only a matter of personal decision on whether whatever attracts you in abusive people is worth paying the price for in the end.