Karl & Cassandra (Mr and Mrs Lokko) show us how it is done with their beautiful #LokkedInWedding, goals!! Enjoy the cinematic visuals of the beautiful young black couple Karl and Cassie Lokko (also known as #LokkedIn). This young black couple show us how it’s done with their beautiful wedding, vows and after party. The beautiful couple have also just welcomed their firstborn son, Lyan.
A romantic relationship is nothing short of incredible, hence, no one goes into a dedicated relationship thinking about its demise. But, what happens when it is stagnant? When you and partner aren’t happy? As painful as it may be, if you feel as though it has come to that point, here are some helpful signs that you should look for when it’s time to move on. Your Future No Longer Includes Him The goal of any union is to build a longstanding partnership. If there is no possible future insight with this person, then why are you wasting your time? No one wants to waste their time nor should you waste the time of others. If you do not see it going anywhere, then it’s time to hit the eject button. When There Is No Attraction (Physically) Sexual chemistry is vital and if you’re no longer attracted to him then the longevity of the union is heavily compromised. You Can’t Trust Him Anymore Have you ever been in a thriving romance where there was no trust? No! I’m simply just doesn’t work. If you find that you’re constantly wondering if he’s telling you the truth, or constantly fact checking behind him, then something is terribly wrong. Trust is one of the major ingredients between two people and when it is no longer there (or has been broken) it’s extremely hard to repair those broken ties. If you both have tried to work on this and it’s just not working, maybe it’s time to reevaluate the future. When You’ve Outgrown Him Growth is inevitable and one of the most beautiful things in life is growing together with your spouse. The problem arises when you have outgrown him. You No Longer Have The Same Ambitions… If you’re both equally ambitious than there is no problem as you’ll both actively work hard to reach your respective goals. But if you don’t have the same ambition as your companion (and vice versa), it can grow increasingly difficult to sustain. Why? When your partner can’t understand why you must spend one more hour in the office to complete a task since they’ll rather binge-watch the latest Netflix show, shows that not only does he not understand what’s fundamental to you, but that they cannot prioritize something that’s important to you and your advancement. This causes you to lose the respect that you once had. Nor Do You No Longer Have The Same Values Sometimes persons can adjust their goals and ambitions in life (for better or worse) but it’s not as easy to adjust their values because our values are a vital part of livelihood – and it’s for the most part, ingrained in us. Now, mature relations feature compromise and negotiation because after all, not everyone has the same values, but, the problems arise when your values begin to clash. If no compromises can be made regarding the most imperative values, then it’s time to move on. When You Can’t Forget The Past We have all been through things in our past. But, we should never bring our baggage into your current situation as those demons in your past can certainly affect your present. It’s doubly hard to progress together when those hardships were brought about from your current situation. When You Stop Having Fun Together Partnerships require a lot of work, but they are also meant to be filled with love and joy. When you’ve found that your love has lost that spark and you’ve tried your very best to revive that sense of joy, then it may be time to call it quits. After all, no one wants to be in a union which has now turned into a chore. Partnerships are hard but finding joy in your day to day life shouldn’t be that hard. Moving on can be gut-wrenching but sometimes love doesn’t conquer all and that’s fine.
Dating a very close friend can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be very daunting. If you are thinking about taking this major step in your relationship, here are some pros and cons that you need to know before you embark on this journey: They Like You, For YouWhen you’ve just met someone, the most cringe-worthy things in your life are probably the things you keep to yourself, for at least a few dates. But, to your best friend, it’s just another amazing story, that you’d never have to feel embarrassed about.When someone loves you for you – flaws and all, it is a feeling that cannot be described. They were there during your awkward times and many more embarrassing moments but they were there for every last one of them. You’ll Probably Have A Lot In CommonFriendships usually bud from a common interest, whether it’s your love for romantic movies or even a sport, you guys grew closer to each other because of similar interests. This makes the transition easy because you can continue doing things that you love doing – together! Their Family Knows And Accepts You …HopefullyAfter you and your best friend have been friends for years, it’s a no-brainer that you and their family would have a relationship. If you have a permanent spot at the dinner table, then they already love you and have probably been thinking – why aren’t they together already! Mutual FriendsDo you remember all the times you had to meet your ex’s friends? Did you dread having to meet a whole new group of people? If you dated your best friend, you share the same friends – so you can avoid any awkward introductions! They Know Your Past – The Good Bad And The EvilThere is nothing more uncomfortable than diving into the past and discussing your dating history (or any part of your past for that matter) with your new love interest. But with your best friend, they know it all, and never judged you because odds are, they were the person you came crying to. Things May ChangeOnce you have decided to explore dating your best friend, you should consider how this new dynamic would affect your current relationship. A friendship and an intimate relationship both require work but an intimate relationship requires a different level of attention, care and growth because your lives are now directly intertwined rather than being supportive roles. Ending The Relationship Might End Your FriendshipIf all doesn’t go to plan, can you go back to being just friends? Before embarking on an intimate relationship with your best friend, you would have to evaluate the chance of them not being in your life at all. Sometimes, you’ll end up losing a lover and a friend in the process. It Would Also Disrupt Your Immediate Circle Of FriendsIf you and your bestie-now-turned-lover decides to calls it quits, not only would it be almost impossible for you to rekindle your friendship, but you may also lose a few friends along the way as it’s likely for some to feel as though they need to choose a side. In the end, there is no set guidelines for this not so unique situation because what may have worked for someone else might not exactly work for you. Yes, it looks asthough the pros outweigh the cons, but, before you open Whatsapp, ask yourself some honest questions.Why your best friend? Why now? What would you do if it doesn’t work out? Is it worth it?
Dating in the 21st century is no joke. But, with all the online tools that are available to us, it only seems to make things even more difficult – not easier! So if you’re looking for some online dating tips, trust us, you’re not alone! The DO be honest Honesty will always be the best policy. Evaluate the person that you are rather than the person you are pretending to be. If you’re 50 don’t say you’re 35 – even if you look it. This would eliminate disappointment on both ends because you’d rather have someone interested in you for who you truly are! Makes sense right? With that being said… DO be realistic An online dating or app site isn’t the time for you to get picky or unrealistic, nor is online dating as strict as a job interview. You should want the best for yourself but sometimes what’s best for you wouldn’t be seen in plain black and white. So get out there, go on a few dates and be realistic because finding someone who genuinely wants to get to know you is a start. DO give people a chance Sometimes what you have in your mind as “your type” really might not be, after all, if you were having luck dating “your type” you wouldn’t be resorting to online dating. So step outside of your comfort zone and see what happens. You’ll never know what the world has to offer if you don’t give it a chance. DO enjoy the moment Just because your search for true love is now via nontraditional means, this does make it any less fun or any less special. This is the time to try things you’ve never tried (within good reason of course) because when you least expect it, is when the sparks ignite. DO bounce back from rejection Odds are, you wouldn’t meet your prince/princess charming on date number 1. Also, don’t forget that online dating is probably one of the hardest ways to get to know someone because how much can you really gather from a short biography line? So, don’t let one bad date…or 10 get you down because they are a million fish in the sea ready and waiting for you to notice them! The DON’T [for the love of all things holy] talk about your exes If your date happens to ask you about what happened (out of mare curiosity), this is still not the time to open the floodgates. There are just some things that you need to leave in the past and this is one of them. DON’T be mean Yes, the dating world can be quite cruel but this doesn’t mean that you should add to the cruelty that already exists. If someone genuinely reaches out to you and have no interest, be sure to thank them for reaching out (because it’s the decent thing to do) while expressing that you’re not interested (nicely). DON’T be inappropriate There is a difference between being quirky or expressing your fun natured side but thread cautiously because what you think might be funny, might be rude to someone else. DON’T give out too much personal information Online dating can be scary especially seeing that one can find out anything about you from the good ol’ internet. So be sure to not give too much information in the early stages – they don’t need to know your 4 middle names nor your last name – are they employing you? They don’t even need to know where you live nor do they need your number. Practice reasonable dating safety and only give personal information once you are comfortable. Now that you have a list of dos and don’ts, what are you waiting for? Good luck! Become An SBL Affiliate Today Start Making Passive Income Earn 35% Commission CLICK HERE!!!
Are black people still getting married? This has been asked time and time again within the community and also on reports regarding the black commitment “crisis.” On the surface, such stories appear to be about black women in search of love and commitment, however, these media reports have mostly served to fuel negative stereotypes regarding black people. Moreover, by suggesting that too few black men are on the market to wed, news stories on black marriages constantly attempt to predict doom and gloom for black women who hope to get married someday, of course to a black man. Analysis of census information and figures has debunked a lot of of the alternative facts floating around within mass media regarding the state of black marriage. Black Men Aren’t Marrying Black Women The number of stories on the black marriage rate offers the impression that black women’s probabilities of walking down the aisle are bleak. A university study found that only 42 % of black women aren’t married, and a range of high profile news networks including CNN and ABC picked that figure up and ran with it. however researchers Ivory A. Toldson of Howard University and Bryant Marks of Morehouse college question the accuracy of this finding. “The often-cited figure of 42 % of black women never marrying includes all black women 18 and older,” Toldson told the root.com. “Raising this age in an analysis eliminates age groups we do not really expect to be married and offers a more correct estimate of true black marriage rates.” Toldson and Marks found that 75 % of black women marry before they are age 35 when examining census information from 2005 to 2009. Moreover, black women in smaller cities have higher marriage rates than white women in urban centers like NY and LA, Toldson remarked in the NY Times. It’s Even Harder For Educated Black Women Getting a university degree is the worst thing a Black woman can do if she wants to get wifed up, right? Not quite… News stories concerning black marriage usually mention that a lot of black women pursue further education than black men—by a 2-to-1 ratio, by some estimates. However what these stories skip is that white women additionally earn more college degrees than white men do, and this gender imbalance hasn’t hurt white women’s possibilities at matrimony. What’s more, black women who end education tend to improve their possibilities of marrying instead of lower them. “Among black women, 70 % of college graduates are married by 40, whereas only roughly 60 % of black highschool graduates are married by that age,” Tara Parker-Pope of the new york Times stated. The same trend is at play for black men. In 2008, 76 % of black men with a university degree married by age 40. In contrast, only roughly 65 % of black men with just a highschool diploma tied the knot. therefore education is likely to increase the chance of marriage for both black men and women in America. Also, Toldson points out that black women with college degrees are more likely to marry than white female highschool dropouts. Rich Black Men Don’t Mess With Black Women Black men drop black women as soon as they reach a particular level of success, don’t they? While many of the rap stars, athletes and musicians might opt to date or marry interracially once they accomplish fame, the same isn’t true for the majority of successful black men. By analyzing census information, Toldson and Marks found that 83 % of married black men who made at least $100,000 annually married black women. The same is the case for educated black men of all income levels. 85 % of black male college graduates married black women. Generally, 88 % of married black men (no matter their financial status or academic background) have black wives. So there you have it.
There exists 5 stages to any relationship: 1. Infatuation (Romance Phase) 2. Power Struggle (Conflict & Bickering) 3. Stability (Resolution & Peace) 4. Commitment (Marriage & Children) 5. Co-Operation (Bliss Phase) Many of us don’t make it past the Power Struggle of a relationship or if we do, we some how find our way back in some kind of conflict with our loved one. ‘Power Struggle’ by definition is the clash of two people coming together, and the reason for this conflict is due to differences in opinion, religion, political views, parenting, finances, etc. The problem we have, especially as young people, is how we choose who we end up with. There needs to be a vetting process and this is based on the standards that we set for a potential partner which is a reflection of the standard that we have for ourselves. This standard that we hold ourselves to is intrinsically connected to our values, our qualities and our moral character. And this forms our sense of self identity. The question one must ask them self is, who am I? What defines me? What makes me who I am? What do I like? What do I dislike? Who do I want to be like? Who do I not want to be like? What is my purpose? What is my vision? The best way to draw all these things together is to perform a SWOT assessment of oneself like in a business: assess ones strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. In relation to the four pillars of ones identity: Spirituality, Psychology, Physicality and Finances. 1. Spirit 2. Mind 3. Body Perhaps the best way to look at the Power Struggle is firstly the struggle within ones Self, before involving someone else. Think objectively, if you were single would you be happy to date you? And, would you be happy and stable if you settled down with you? Take for example the Six Human Emotional Needs: 1. Certainty or Consistency 2. Uncertainty or Variety 3. Significance 4. Love & Connection 5. Growth & Progression 6. Purpose & Contribution Everyone fulfils 1 – 4 emotional needs in a healthy or unhealthy way, not a lot of people are able to develop to the level where they can fulfil the remaining 5 – 6. Maybe it can be put forward that until one has fully matured and developed themselves to point number six that they have no business being involved in a serious romantic relationship. One who is immature and therefore has no or little understanding of Self, has no business getting involved in serious relationships. That person will be a liability firstly to them self and secondly to the person they are with. This is the point where irreversible life changing decisions are made (usually under the influence of infatuation). Once the magic of the “honeymoon” phase wears off and/or when the person comes to a knowledge of who they are situations commonly associated with the Power Struggle arise; which could have been avoided if one exercised sound judgement. This is where the concept of a relationship being unequally yoked is birthed. However, in stating all of this. The majority of people will fall into this stage of conflict and disagreement, once here what the possible outcomes: 1. Breakup 2. Compromise 3. Adapt Point number one is self explanatory. Point number two is the group where many married people fall into whether one compromises themselves to avoid conflict or to fulfil the needs of ones partner. Point number three is the most healthy and conducive to a functional union. This is a level up from merely compromising, which is synonymous with settling. When one adapts it means to invest time and energy to work on ones union. To learn about each other, understand one another and ultimately accept your partner for who they are which leads to Stability, Commitment and Bliss once the foundation has been formed on acceptance of who your partner is, rather than falling in love with the idea of the person. Learning your partner, involves understanding what they respond to most. In other words, what is their love language: 1. Words of Affirmation 2. Acts of Service 3. Quality Time 4. Physical Touch 5. Receiving Gifts Once one understands one is able to better cater to the emotional needs of the other, and most importantly know what fulfils oneself. Fulfilment in this area, re-connects both people together and strengthens the bond more so through commitment than mere lust and infatuation, which is fickle and non-substantial. Knowledge of ones lover, on the other hand, is the framework from which one can build upon through co-operation in the Bliss phase to achieve ones vision through purpose. A lot of relationships enter and remain or end in a Power Struggle when a union is founded on passion. When two people know who they are, have a purpose in life and come together to share in the same vision their relationship has a chance to grow and develop to heights that far surpass mediocrity. It all starts with a knowledge of who you are.
Hopped on live with Dynast Amir’s channel, Search For Uhuru and we talk all things Straight, Black, Love. Check the video out below!