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Dating Advice

Is My Boyfriend Controlling? 10 Signs You Are With A Control Freak



is my boyfriend controlling

You might think that you’re just being a little too sensitive, but if your boyfriend is constantly telling you what to do and who to talk to, it might be time for a reality check. The following 10 signs can help determine whether or not your significant other has an obsessive need for control.

  1. You can’t make plans without his permission.
  2. He makes all the decisions in the relationship and expects you to blindly follow along.
  3. He gets mad if you don’t do what he says when he tells you to do it.
  4. It feels like his job to keep tabs on everything and everyone around you.
  5. You never know what mood he’ll be in because it depends on what you do. […]
  6. You feel insecure when you’re alone.
  7. Your friends and family members have warned you about him and think he’s a control freak.
  8. He’s a perfectionist and gets mad when things aren’t perfect.
  9. He never listens to your concerns or complaints.
  10. He Doesn’t Want You To Do Things That Are Healthy For You.

 1) You Can’t Make Plans Without His Permission.

If anytime you make plans without him, he blows up at you, for either not consulting him or including him; you’re not dealing with a reasonable or considerate boyfriend.

This is one of the first signs that your significant other might be controlling because it’s about having power over you and limiting your freedom, which can lead to more dangerous situations later on.

2) He Makes All The Decisions In The Relationship And Expects You To Blindly Follow Along.

Of course, somebody has to make decisions in a relationship, but the person who is in control expects you to follow everything he says or does without question, and if you don’t it leads to a fight.

When your boyfriend makes all the decisions and desires little input from you, it’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

This is one of the most common signs that your boyfriend might be controlling because it’s about having power over you and limiting your independence.

3) He Gets Mad If You Don’t Do What He Says When He Tells You To Do It.

If your boyfriend gets angry or passive-aggressive when you don’t follow his rules and demands, without offering a reasonable explanation for what he wants you to do, then there’s a problem.

Having your own thoughts and desires is normal and healthy in any relationship, but if your boyfriend doesn’t respect them and gets mad at you when you want to do something different than him, this is a huge red flag.

4) It Feels Like His Job To Keep Tabs On Everything And Everyone Around You.

If he is keeping tabs on you like he being paid to do it, it could simply be a sign of mistrust or insecurity on his part.

But if he is constantly checking up on you, asking where you are or who you’re with, it’s a sign of control and unhealthy possessiveness.

5) You Never Know What Mood He’ll Be In Because It Depends On What You Do.

If his mood is constantly up and down based on what you did or didn’t do, for example, if you didn’t answer his call or, reply to his message within a specific time frame. If he gets angry or starts an argument, trying to guilt-trip you – like you don’t love him – when you didn’t do what he wanted, it’s a sign of control.

6) You Feel Insecure When You’re Alone.

If your boyfriend seems to become more aggressive and controlling after you spent time away from each other, like while attending school or work, this might be a warning sign that he needs to have control over you.

He makes you feel like you are doing something wrong when you are away from him or that you are not trustworthy enough to be left alone.

7) Your Friend And Family Members Have Warned You About Him And Think He’s A Control Freak.

This one, I would take with a grain of salt because most of the time, our friends and family do not think anybody is good enough for us.

However, if they have voiced their concerns about your boyfriend and that he is not a healthy person for you to be with, and you yourself suspect the same, then it’s time to listen.

Your family or friends may say that they notice a change in your behavior or attitude in this relationship and it isn’t for the good. Maybe you have become more reserved or withdrawn, perhaps.

8)  He’s A Perfectionist And Gets Mad When Things Aren’t Perfect.

There is nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, but when a person in a relationship starts to get mad about little things and wants everything to be perfect, it’s a way of controlling what happens.

If your significant other is a perfectionist and gets mad at you for not following his directions or being the way he wants you to be, this is another warning sign that your boyfriend is controlling.

9) He Never Listens To Your Concerns Or Complaints.

If he cannot take constructive criticism no matter how politely and considerately you deliver it, meanwhile he has no trouble telling you about all of your flaws and shortcomings in a rude and demeaning way, he is (most definitely a narcissist, and…) being controlling.

If your concerns are not valid to him and he never takes them into consideration, it’s a sign of disrespect.

10) He Doesn’t Want You To Do Things That Are Healthy For You.

If your partner tries to put down anything that you enjoy in fear that it will distract you from him or take away your attention, like an activity, class, friend or hobby- this is one of the biggest signs of controlling behavior.

He knows this particular thing makes you happy or elevates you, but he belittles your efforts or mocks you for it to make you feel bad, so that he can control your emotional reactions or make you not want to do it anymore.

Final Take

  • Love is not controlling, possessive or enmeshed.
  • Love is never envious, pushy, manipulative or possessive.
  • Love doesn’t need to be in charge of someone else’s life.
  • Love doesn’t attempt to limit the other person’s freedom.
  • Love doesn’t make demands; it makes requests.
  • Love is not self-seeking; it’s considerate and respectful of others.
  • Love isn’t inflexible.
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