YOU START TO GET SERIOUS WITH SOMEBODY BUT THEY DON’T GET ON WITH YOUR CHILDREN

When marriages break apart, the love life does not end there. People with kids start dating again. You may end up getting a partner who is a great match for you but the problem is that you may not know if your new partner will accept your kids. On the other hand, your kids may not get along with him/her. It is normally recommended that after a break-up and you start dating that your new partner should not meet your kids too early on – just in case. But it could be ages before your partner meets your children in this case. The trouble is what if you become emotionally invested in your new relationship it begins to get serious but by the time they meet your kids they don’t get along?

This would definitely be a deal breaker. Your children are a big part of your life (if not the biggest) and since you are looking for someone to share your life with, if they don’t get along with your most prized possessions the relationship probably won’t work.

If someone doesn’t accept your kids with open arms, you better say bye to them. Your aim is to find someone that’s gonna have your children’s back as well as yours. You have to all get along or the relationship won’t work.

In such a case, you have a hard decision to choose between your partner and your kids. In most cases, people will choose their kids whatsoever. Your kids came first remember! Some people will try to understand why the partner does not get on with your children and hope that with time they will bond, but that is risky, and is it worth the risk?

The worst thing you can do is to force your partner or your kids to develop a connection…which will push them further apart. Sometimes children develop negative feelings towards the new partner, for whatever reason and often times this is a red flag which needs to be explored. In such a case, ALWAYS listen to what they are saying. Your kids SHOULD have a say into your new relationship and it is necessary to prioritize their feelings and thoughts. If kids are already complaining about your new partner, this is a sign that they may not accept him/her as a member of your family. Not listening to your kids in these scenarios often result in abuse by that partner.

Here are signs you can watch out earlier before your relationship gets too much if your new partner is bonding with your kids.

1. Communication

Great communication is very healthy for a relationship and the way your new partner communicates with your kids can tell you whether they are likely to engage in a relationship. If there is miscommunication and they don’t engage in conversations, which are a clear sign that they may not get along.

2. Avoidance

If your partner does not look forward to spending time with your kids then there is a problem. Someone who gets along with your kids will actively look for ways to spend time with your kids. And if your kids are avoiding your new partner then it’s worse.

3. Your Partner is Jealous With Your Kids

Some partners may seem to be jealous of your kids and even the time you spend with your kids. Some will even go to an extent of telling you to stop seeing them. They may even suggest going on a trip with you alone without the children. Such a partner is not ready to bond with your kids and it’s better to cut your relationship before you ruin your own relationship with your kids.

The #BlackLove movement seen across social media is more than a trending hashtag. Historically our families were separated, and even today, mainstream depictions of Black families are represented by a single parent unit headed by a mother. The resurgence of a social Black Love movement is multifaceted insofar as reclaiming our fundamental human right to Marriage and Family (Art 16). Black Love inherently lays the foundations to the building blocks of our communities; the African family – without it, we have no basis from which to create our customs, culture or legacies.

Join us on Thursday 28th February as we gather to celebrate and discuss the solutions to strengthening and sustaining Black relationships. Joined by some of our friends, we will explore the central themes of Communication, Business and the power and impact of digital media on Black Love. Delving deeper, led by Tony Cealy, the audience will be invited to participate in discussions and fun exercises along with the panel who will also share their respective journeys and present the methods they have used in order to sustain healthy and balanced relationships in business and love.

• Exploring Black Love: Self, Business and Community (First Afrikan Directive)
• Why Communication is not only key, it is everything
• Love Languages – What are they? What are yours?
• Black Love under Attack: The Emasculation of Black Men
• Representation and the Power of Digital Media
• Black Love in and as Business

See footage from the event below;