We Can’t Be Better Partners Unless We First Become Better Men

It certainly seems to me that, as black men, we are slowly letting ourselves slip…

One argument could be that the black woman no longer expects high enough standards when it comes to dating, relationships, and marriage but my personal opinion is that this argument is irreverent.

Sure some people may settle for lesser treatment compared to others, but as black men, we shouldn’t be rising to the occasion because we were forced to, it should come from within us.

We should be holding standards high enough for ourselves so as to naturally elevate in all other aspects of our lives. As we put more effort to become better men, we automatically become better husbands, boyfriends, and partners by default.

We rise to become better men in our respective black communities.

I feel we have let the sight of the honor and personal accountability slip away; we are used to living by drifting by with the minimum effort if we can get away with it. Like an employee who puts just enough effort not to get fired. No offence intended all am saying is, it’s about time to look in the mirror and ask whether or not I’m on right on point. I am self-aware enough to admit that I have certainly let myself slip in the past. We all human and human is to err, but there is always the largest room for improvement.

Not just for wives or girlfriends, but mostly improve for our own benefits first. This is the variation of standards we need to set. Black men surely know how to attract women how to act, what to say, where to go, what to put on our online dating profiles. The reality is that the perfect package may attract the sexiest queen but it requires integrity and character to keep her going. We need to start holding ourselves accountable at a higher level. We need more discipline when it comes to health, fitness and our contributions to our families and society. It’s to get caught up in our self-centred existence in this society where value is mostly based on how many follows and likes you have.

But if we only selfishly channel our entire energy to ourselves, the loved ones around us feel cut off and set aside. How they tolerate or don’t this behaviour is up to their standards to come into play as well. But I believe we shouldn’t put our partners in a position to adjust their limits of poor quality treatment they can accept from you. We should be more, do, and give more to our partners and loved ones.

So how do we do it?

Reconnect With Your Purpose

We tend to fixate our attention on a business, personal venture, or a career that often the goal for beginning is forgotten. We forget to do things that we enjoy; the people who supported us, in the beginning, are forgotten things that seem to matter are prioritized over things that actually matter. Settling down a bit and being brutally honest with ourselves about why we are doing is paramount to staying connected to our identity.

Set Achievable Goals

It doesn’t matter if it’s as minor as “getting out of bed within 10 minutes of waking up” being credible with yourself is the path to fulfilment and confidence.

Communicate With Your Loved Ones


Sometimes resentment builds when issues in a family or relationship go unchecked for too long. Because of not being aware of its existence the reason to solve it is absent. We need to keep lines of communication open with our loved ones because they can see our blind spots. Acceptance and recognition of our own shortcomings is the first step in self-improvement, we can’t fix what we can’t acknowledge.

And I know many people are of the mind that the focus is only on black men and what they need to do better but no, we are talking to black women too! This is about how we all become the best versions of ourselves for ourselves and each other.

Be sure to check out The Sexiest 3 Words A Black Woman Can Say To A Black Man – here.

Daniel N

Daniel N

Hello, my name is Daniel. I contribute to the Straight Black Blog to share my perspective on black relationships, healing and also the cultural and heritage subjects pertaining to the black community in general.