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Black Love

Why We Need To Start Building Better Foundations For Relationships



Trust, without question, is one of the most important bricks when building the foundation of a strong relationship.

Without trust, you cannot have real love.


I have emphasized the importance of trust in a relationship in previous articles, but there seems to be an ongoing issue where bonds are not being formed, and therefore relationships are not lasting in the long term.

I can’t blame social media for this so much as I blame human nature.

Without social media, I wouldn’t have reconnected with my girlfriend after not seeing her for 10 years. I wouldn’t have been able to make a living for the past year and a half. And, I wouldn’t be able to speak to any of you through this blog you so generously subscribe to 😉

However, that being said, social media is still a tool for convenience – and like any tool, we can misuse it. The problem is that it’s allowing people to connect and advance far more quickly. We exchange pictures and videos, send empty, flirty texts frequently, and courtship process (if we can still call it that) is a lot more casual, to say the least.


The result is lots of people who are perpetually frustrated and disappointed because they for some reason are unable to find somebody they can connect with on a deeper level.

All the while, never really putting in the effort to do so.
We take the easy way out; we want the quickest results; we want instant gratification.

There are two sides to this coin, and neither gender is necessarily ‘at fault,’ for lack of a better term. If we are speaking traditionally, the man is the one who pursues the woman. Men are letting their short attention spans get the best of them and they are not putting in the time and effort to get to know a genuinely good-hearted woman for the sake of a deeper relationship.

So, what they are doing is moving on to the next one (or one they are already texting in the meantime), and simply moving in the direction of least resistance.

Conversely, women are waiting for the right man to finally show them that not all of us are the same. In doing so, they may likely get their hopes up and jump into something too fast with someone who finally seems like he is the real deal – when he’s not.

Or, women are so tired of being played by these idiots that they are completely closed off, and men (even good men…) get frustrated and go elsewhere (again, least resistance)

The result of this beautiful combination? People who are looking to fill short-term needs and have no faith in the opposite sex to be genuine. Certainly not a breeding ground for monogamy, eh?

Older generations set fires. They would begin to burn with a small smouldering flame and eventually evolve into a roaring blaze as they continued to stoke it. Our generation seems to be setting off fireworks. There is a spectacular display that is quite often beautiful, but unpredictable and ends as quickly as it began. Leaving behind only the memory of the experience.

We are not allowing ourselves the time to build a foundation with each other. We are an instant-gratification society and we are, unfortunately, carrying the same attitude into our relationships. We always want the next best phone or the next best tablet and toss aside the obsolete version without a second thought. Sadly, it seems we do this with significant others as well.

The sad part is, some of these couples probably would have had a chance if they had taken their time and let their relationship develop and flourish, instead of leaping ahead and putting too much pressure on their bond, too soon. Love is not something you just fall into overnight. It is the creation of two people who have worked together to cultivate it and allow it to grow.

You may feel lust. You may feel an overwhelming emotional attachment or connection to someone quickly. But if we allow our emotions to rule us completely we very often tend to make irrational decisions that backfire in the future. We need to recognize the difference between lust and love, as well as have the self-control to allow things to progress naturally and not jump into something before we are ready.

If you want brief entertainment, then, by all means, light off as many fireworks as you want. When one falls out of the sky, you will have another fuse waiting. But if you want a long-lasting connection that will warm your heart for years to come, you will need to commit to stoking a fire.